By Stacey Gliniewicz

I was recently asked a question inquiring if my husband’s ex-wife could attend his military retirement that is just over a month away, and one of the most important days aside from our wedding day in my husband’s life.  He has served for 22 years and is looking forward to seeing many of his former coworkers from his journeys as an Airman. Our families will be present as well, and it will be a great day of celebrating and honoring my husband. Because I know this is such a big day for our family, when I was asked this question, I was very bothered by it and wondered why she would want to attend.  As I processed the scenario and my answer, I realized that my personal boundaries were about to be crossed.

I am a firm believer in boundaries, personal boundaries, and boundaries for the family. Have you ever felt as though you constantly need to say yes, or might say yes to appease the situation and avoid conflict, even though deep inside you knew you should have had the guts to say no?  I am living that scenario now.  I know that by saying “No”, it will cause problems yet, I am willing to endure the conflict that will arise to protect the boundaries of my marriage and family. It really is okay to say no. Keeping boundaries or limits for ourselves helps us to keep self and relationships in working order.  Failure to set boundaries can cause a break down in a relationship or marriage.

Have you set boundaries or limits for yourself?  What about your marriage or family? It is okay to say, ‘No’, or to move the family in a different direction because you see boundaries are about to be crossed.  You may need to seek wise counsel before actually making a decision.  Individuals you trust for wise counsel may have a clearer vision of that boundary and will warn you if it is about to be crossed.  If you haven’t set boundaries for yourself or your marriage, I encourage you to do so.  Doing so will foster respect in your relationships, and strengthen them.  Sit down and have a conversation with your spouse or a friend and clearly state your boundaries, letting them know what is okay or not okay with you.   Once you have stated your boundaries, it will help give you a peace of mind and strengthen who you are as an individual.  Don’t forget to stick to them!